I am pissed.

Why can't people be punctual?

Is it very difficult to stick to a mutually agreed time?

I must admit I am sometimes late for appointments (cock-ups do happen but they RARELY do with proper planning).

But I make it a point to let the other party know when I'm expected to arrive.

This is basic courtesy.

On a typical day, I'm at least 10 minutes early for an appointment.

Personally, it just pisses me off when someone shows up late for appointments CONSISTENTLY.

Case in point: My wife.

I pick her up from work everyday (when I'm not travelling).

She'd give me a pickup time and she's almost never there at the appointed time.

(On very rare occasions is she early or on-time).

On a normal day, I wait for 10-15 minutes.

This can stretch to 45 minutes on a "Bermuda triangle" day, when she simply disappears from the radar.

Each time she'll come up with some silly excuse and, honestly, I've gotten sick of hearing them.

I like to pack my schedule and having to waste time waiting for her and listening to stoooopid excuses ABSOLUTELY KILLS ME !

I voiced my unhappiness last night and guess what?

She claims she's hardly late.

Yeah, right !

Anyway, to cut the long story short, I feel I've been taken for granted (as far as picking her up is concerned).

I've been too predictable, too reliable.

I'll be injecting some uncertainties into the equation.

Eg. I'm going to the golf driving range tonight and she can take a cab home.

Eg. 2, I will not cut my discussions with my colleagues short so I can be on time to pick her up.  She can wait.

Immature of me to engage in a tit-for-a-tat?

Maybe.

Sometimes I have to fight fire with fire.

It's only after you've lost a good thing in life that you appreciate it.

(Sad but true).

The Sunday papers featured anecdotes from Philip Yeo (PY) about scholarships, bond breakers and industry development thrusts and the controversy arising from them.

It was highlighted that people called him arrogant, Mr size 10 shoes, blah, blah, blah ….  for making these "larger than life" comments.

"Friends, Singaporeans, Countrymen, lend me your ears.

I come here not criticize PY, but to salute him."

PY was my big boss at one of my previous jobs.

To be honest, I was extremely inspired by his high energy, no-holds barred approach of doing biz.

With him, you will always get honest and sometimes brutal feedback.

I was with him in the US on a biz trip for 3 weeks in 1998.

During that time, I got to know PY the man, rather than PY "the motor mouth" as some have labeled him.

Nation before self

Here is a man who puts the interests of the nation before his own.

For any new initiative he champions, his key consideration is "How will Singaporeans benefit from it and how soon can we get it done?"

As such, he dispenses with political correctness (a waste of time, in my opinion) and makes personal sacrifices to move mountains (read: gahmen red tape) in order to get the job done.

In an era of superficial niceness and political correctness, his comments normally ruffle a lot of feathers in the gahmen service as well as the man in the street (who reads rubbish in the New Paper).

Cutting the crap

Put aside the sensationalism created by the press and read his comments again.

They are simple and straight to the point.

In essence: They make sense.

For example, I had dinner with PY and some gahmen scholars in London in 1999.

One of the more vocal and smart-alecky ones asked: "How I can succeed in my assignment at a stat board when I graduate?", expecting words of profound wisdom from PY.

"Work Hard lah! What else?", PY said and went back to whacking his noodles.

The relak man

To PY detractors reading this blog, unless you've met this man, it's hard to believe how humble and chin-chai (easy going) he can be.

In that same 1998 trip, there were people who want to suck up to him and arranged for meals at lavish and damn expensive places.

With my miserable pay, I could ill afford, for example, a US$25 breakfast in the hotel. (I still can't)

One morning in New York, he saw me leaving the hotel and aske where I was heading.

Told him I was going to a deli down the road where I can whack a good American breakfast for US$5.

From experience, a person with PY's seniority in the gahmen service is highly unlikely consider that as a palatable option.

He asked: "How come you never tell me?".

What was I to say ? "Errr ….. only low income people like myself eat there?".

Guess what, he siam-ed his breakfast appointment with some S'pore gahmen people and had breakfast in the small but clean deli.

He grabs hot dogs on the go, eats at often dingy Chinatown places (not biz engagements lah).

As long as the food is good, he's ok.

A role model

PY is an excellent example of a man who has achieved greatness without being superficially nice.

To me, he is Mr "call a spade, a spade" (turbo chargers and loud speakers included)

He is also role model (especially for the wishy-washy): Has integrity, decisive, efficient, loyal ……

In case you're wondering, no, he did not pay me to write this blog.

And, no, I don't think he remembers me after all these years.

When people say "the truth hurts", it really does.
How many of us can take honest feedback without feeling hurt?

When your girlfriend asked you how she looked that night, would you dare say "you look like Fiona Shrek", if she really looked awful in that polka dot green dress ?
And when your boyfriend asked you if he looked buff after a work out, would you say, "I've seen and smelt much better"?

We are all prone to selective hearing (hear what we want to hear).
This is a normal human condition.
However, if we don't receive and accept honest critique, how do we better ourselves?

The problem with most of us is we want to be well liked.

Maybe it's too much to risk by being honest with a friend.

To me, if you really care for someone, you'd choose to be honest to that person.

Being superficially nice will not do that person any good.

Unless there is honesty in communication, a relationship cannot strengthen.

Being superficially nice marks the beginning of the end of a relationship.

 
Being superficially nice also adversely affects workplace efficiencies.

How many times have we seen projects fail at the work place because people don't want to speak up? Not happy, don't say.

It leads to half hearted efforts that jeopardize the chances of success.

You can give constructive feedback without being rude.

Avoid the "I told you so" and "I know better" tone.

Put your points across as suggestions.

But if the situation warrants, you may have to lay the cards out on the deck and call a spade, a spade.

Stick to your guns and be prepared for the backlash.

If you've known someone for many years and this person hasn't given you any feedback that caused you discomfort during this time, think again if this person really cares about you.

Surely you are not a perfect being and there's always room for improvement, correct ?

Just as people around me find me too aggressive and pushy at times, I appreciate it when they tell me.

This has helped me mellow down over the years.

If that's not the case, I may end up in speaker's corner standing on a soap box, spouting nonsense and getting arrested by ISD.

Thought for the week:

If you disagree with what I've written, tell me to shut up.

I'll thank you for your comment and not write about such things again ....well, at least not in this blog site :-)

LTA should review in-vehicle video display unit policy

I refer to the response by Ms Alice Tan of the Land Transport Authority (Vehicle VCD player must have auto shut-off, 11 July).  I would like to know the measures LTA has taken to enforce the law that the vehicles with dashboard video display units (VDU) have an auto shut-off function.  Unlike a speeding car or driver using a mobile phone without a hands-free set, the traffic police from a distance cannot detect a dashboard VDU unit that is switched on easily.  As a result, many drivers have been breaking the law and getting away with it.

I would also like to request that LTA reviews the policy for dashboard VDUs.  If the principle of the policy is not to distract the driver when he is driving, then dashboard VDUs shouldn’t be allowed at all. The driver can view his program using backseat VDUs when the vehicle is stationary.  It shouldn’t take a needless loss of lives for the LTA to recognize the hazards posed by irresponsible drivers who watch TV while driving.

The Singapore Road Bully

We've all read reports on road rage. I find some of these situations ludicrous. Can you really get so angry at someone for horning you as to wallop that person?

My wife's colleague, XL (not her dress size) and her hubby (KH) were looking for a parking lot in Jurong Point last Sat. In front of them was a Nissan Xtrial, stopped at the middle of a lane, waiting for a parking lot. Other cars couldn't pass and after 5 min, 10 cars caught behind started to horn. XL got out of her car and politely asked the mid 30's chinese looking driver,ZGR, to shift his car to the side. ZGR started to hurl obscene abuses at XL. When KH intervened, ZGR punched him in the face (KH: Kena Hoot) and hurled even more vulgarities. The couple demanded an apology. He sneered: "I'm going to park my car now and shop. Not going to waste time on you." When XL threatened to call the police ZGR dared them to do so and sauntered away nonchalantly with his wife and mum.

When the police came, they said the case was a civil suit ie. not a criminal offence. XL and KH were stunned! KH had just been assaulted.  The policemen did not want to log the case.  After arguing their case for 8 hours at a nearby NPP, the police are still considering whether to press charges.  When the police called ZGR, he offered to apologise.  This is what the chinese would call "No see coffin, no drop tear" (bu4 jian4 guan1 cai2 bu4 liu2 lei4). As KH was quite badly hurt, XL decided to press for charges anyway to teach ZGR a lesson.

This is silly isn't it? ZGR really lost his marbles. If he is charged by the police, he'll be jailed. There goes his career too.  If he can't control his temper in public, I think he's very likely to vent his anger on his wife and family in private, maybe physically. 

Why are the police reluctant to press charges? Simple lah. Need to do a lot of paper work mah.  This is an example of the inefficiencies of the system and the double standards in our statutes. While some ah beng is thrown to jail for road rage, police are considering letting the (surprisingly decent looking) ZGR get away scot-free.  This is not a criticism of our system. Just to point out the law is only as good as the people enforcing it. This is pretty common in the UK.

Lessons learnt:

1. Jurong Point is a road ragers hub.

2. Mata's pay is low, so don't want to do too much work.

3. You'd better have good friends who are lawyers and can help out in these situations.

4. Whackos with huge egos drive SUVs, esp X-trails.

But seriously folks, if you are angry and want to lash out at someone, take a deep breath and count to ten. The consequences of your outburst may be more far fetching than you think. I also believe we dish out disproportionate anger at those closer to us. For a same incident, we are likely to lash out at our family much harsher than our friends. Need to be aware of this and keep it in check. 

Here's a good one. My Korean colleague told me when 2 Koreans get into a car accident, they get out of the car and engage in a full on fist fight. After they are too tired to slog it out, they start assessing the damage and who's at fault.  Maybe ZGR is a Korean who married a S'pore wife. 

Remember my colleague Robbie (the guy who interviewed the SQ gal: cf blog 25 Apr) ?

He's one of funniest guys I've met.

Robbie sings, dances and is a livewire at ANY party.

I have a lot of respect for this guy.

Despite being 10 years older than I am, he has more verve than I do.

Robbie shares his pearls wisdom from time to time.

Below is just one of them.

Hey, by the way, remember the letter I wrote to ST forum about posting pump prices at petrol kiosks?

It was published :-)

==================================================

Robbie Says
 

"In the past, I searched through the underwear to get to the butt

Now, I have to search through the butt to get to the underwear."

(Article forwarded by my Ah Beng Flen)

Steven Covey's famous 7 habits for successful people are nothing more than a free adaptation of Hokkien phrases.

So why pay thousands of dollars to listen to chao ang-mors like him when your parents, wives, husbands, and even the auntie-auntie who sweeps the floor, can give you that kind of advice every day?

Habit No 1: Be Pro-Active
Kin Ka Kin Chiew (fast leg, fast hand)

Zi Dong Darm Poh (be automatic a bit)

Habit No 2: Begin with the End In Mind
Ooh Tao Ooh Buay (have head, have tail)

Habit No 3: First Things First
Chik Hung Chik Hung Lai - Ban Ban Lai 
(One thing at a time, slow and steady); or
Cho Tow Seng (do first)

Habit No 4: Think Win-Win
Long Chong Ai Yarh (want to win in everything)

Habit No 5: Seek To Understand Rather Than To Be Understood
Cho Lang Ai Eh Beng Pek (you must be understanding)

Habit No 6: Synergize
Tai Kay Ai Hup Chop (all must co-perate)

Habit No 7: Sharpen the Saw
Toh Bua Lai Lai