So far, Meepok mates are blokes.

I have to jiao4 kor3 (look after the interests of) my brudders out there.

Hence I've asked my ar-kar-liao friend, Minako to contribute a chio-bu profile.

If you're interested to know Kelly Wannabe better, I can put you in touch with her via Minako.

Having read the profile, it is in my opinion that you'd better have deep pockets.

Presenting Kelly  Wannabe………. Many say she looks like TCS Star Kym Ng

Stuff she's born with (aka Bo-pian stuff)

(Nick)Name: Kelly Wannabe (click here to read blog involving Kelly)

Age: Sweet 30 going on 31.

Height: 1.63m

Weight: 55 kg

ChioBu factor (/10): 6/7 (if put on make up!)

Looks: Ok lah – some like it hot, some like it cold, some like it lian...

Stuff to impress your parents

Education: NTU Business Degree? (erm…..) CFA

Occupation: Not just a banker. Not local bank banker summore.

Ability to win your mom over (/10): 10. To win your mum's heart, she will talk swee-swee until you think "Wah, my mother so fantastic ah!" Your mother will think "When am I getting grandkids?"

Ability to suck up to your dad (/10): 10. She will talk your dad to death. Your dad will say "Ok! Ok! You win!", in say, 10 minutes??

Hi folks,

I am writing to appeal for help for "Andy". 

Not looking for cash.

Just a part-time job for this simple 40 year old loving and filial son.

I met Andy (an only child) while my mum in law (MIL) was hospitalized in May.

Andy's mum, 78, sleeps in the bed opposite my MIL.

She has been bed-ridden for the past 10 years.

She has bed sores, is partially blind and is swollen in the limbs from fluid transfer.

She is also lucid at times.

Andy's dad used to look after her while Andy was the sole bread winner.

4 years ago, Andy's dad passed away suddenly.

Andy took it very badly and resolved to do his best to look after his mum.

As he was unable to juggle his job and caring for his mum, he quit his job.

In the interim, he managed to find a nursing home for his mom and he started working again.

About 6 months ago, his mum's health took a turn for the worse and was hospitalized.

Andy quit his job to stay at his mum's bedside.

This guy kept a 24 hour vigil, taking short breaks for showers and PS, PJ.

Other than that, he survives on bread and water (literally) as his savings are dwindling (medisave also running out).

When I first met Andy in the ward, I didn't' speak with him.  However I was lead to praying for Andy and his mum and God asked me to pass him $250.

The money is not meant for his mother's medical bills, but for him to buy proper food for himself so he will not fall sick from mal-nutrition.

"He has been a good son and he needs to take care of himself".

My first reaction: "Wah lau…. Sure or not?!?!?!? I've not even spoken to this guy !! He must think I'm xiao4 !! (Actually many people do)"

However, I chose to obey (some call it lan-lan).

When I spoke to Andy (a taoist) about why I was giving him the dosh, he was (and looked) stunned. He asked me how I knew his need and his fears.

I told him I didn't.

I was just following instructions.

After that, he graciously accepted the do$h.

I was very clear in my instructions to him….. money is for him to feed himself, not to pay his mum's hospital bills.

Afternote: According to my sis-in-law (who spoke with Andy when she kept my MIL company overnight), people have offered money to Andy to offset his mum's hospital bills but he simply refused to take it.

He believes he can take care of his mum on his own.

Anyway, Andy's mum has been discharged from the hospital and is now in a nursing home.

When I contacted him today to find out how he's doing, he asked if I could refer him to a part time job.

I don't know any hence I'm seeking your help.

He wants the job description below to enable him to visit his mum as much as possible while taking care of cash flow.

Job scope : Anything, preferably sales

4 days a week @ 4-5 hours a day

Location: somewhere in town cos the nursing home is near there.

If you or your kakis have any lobangs, pls let me know.

Most of us should count our blessings.

We've never experienced what it's like NOT to be loved by our parents.

As I deal with underprivileged children in the Geylang area, I hear these stories week in week out. 

Will share one case with you. (names have been changed)

John is 10 years old and is in Primary 3.

He has a mentally subnormal younger bro aged 4 (Sky)

His mum, Deb, is a 31 yr old Malaysian.

John's father left them 3 years ago for another woman and left the mortgaged 3 room HDB flat to Deb.

Deb is unskilled and can't be employed as she is not a permanent resident. (She did not apply for PR when she got married, probably out of ignorance). 

Her savings ran out and was at her wits end.

She attempted suicide unsuccessfully in JB in early 2004.

To cut the long story short, Gahmen's social welfare workers provided assistance and counseling soon after her suicide attempt.

I applaud our Gahmen's effort to provide a safety net to those in dire straits.

While the policies may not perfect, they do provide some form of financial relief to these families.

My friends and I managed to help Deb secure some homebased work eg. Laundry and ironing.

$50 here, $20 there …all these helped to make ends meet.

However, Deb, is a broken woman.

She is pre-occupied with her own problems that she's neglected John and Sky.

It has been brought to my attention that she completely ignores John and Sky at home and leaves them to their own devices.

This is a complete turnaround from the loving and doting mum she used to be.

One of my friends is counseling her.

John, despite the complexities of his family background, is extremely bright.

He does very well at school (but his mum doesn't really care)

My friends and I have set up a fund to ensure that he (and other bright but underprivileged children) gets what is necessary to put him through his education in order to maximize his potential.

He also comes to my Sunday school and that's the one of the ways we keep tabs on him.

At the tender age of 10, John has to fend for himself and look after his brother.

Under his skinny and fragile exterior is a mettle made of steel, forged by extenuating circumstances.

Without parental love, he has learnt to survive …. Alone.

As my friends and I can't monitor John's movement everyday, it's my prayer that he doesn't fall into bad company.

I pray lagi harder that John will not grow up to be cynical and cold towards others.

Have you taken for granted the love and care your parents have given you all these years?

If so, you'll know what to do next  :-)

I read somewhere that original 1977 Star Wars action figures are now worth more than S$300 on ebay. As any gian-png Singaporean would, I went to my parent's place to ransack my box of childhood goodies.

In it are my old football stickers, travel souvenirs, love letters, exam papers (those with bad results are half burnt), photos of movie stars, love letters and more love letters.

These are parchments of the insignificant history of my life.

Ok, back to Star Wars.

I don't come from a well to do family.

My dad had to work really hard to make ends meet (thanks dad).

Yet, my parents made tremendous sacrifices in order to buy me these action figures.

If I recall correctly each costs S$4.95, enough to feed a family of 4 in 1977 for 2 days.

I really treasured these action figures and had hours of fun playing with them.

I created the Death Star from a fridge box, made a light sabre out of rolls of old newspaper etc.

Between 1977 and 1984, I collected a total of 18 actions figures and 3 transporters.

Yes, some of them were bought even before you were born…….

I gradually outgrew these toys and I chucked them in a box.

Today, more than 20 years later, they have re-surfaced (ta-dah !!)

Here they are ……

Clockwise (starting from guy in orange suit)

Luke Skywalker in orange x-wing fighter outfit (1978)

R2D2 (1977)

Luke Skywalker in Tatooine outfit (1977)

Imperial Stormtrooper  (1977)

Boba Fett (1979)

Cloud City Man (1981)

C3PO – The gay boy (1977)

Clockwise (starting from black, evil looking one)

Darth Vader (1977)

The Emperor (1984)

Biker Scout - White (1983)

Gamorrean Guard  (1983)

Chewbacca (1977)

Obiwan Kenobi in brown outfit (1977)

Clockwise (starting from guy in white vest)

Han Solo in Hoth outfit (1980)

Luke Skywalker in Return of the Jedi outfit (1983)

Princess Leia in bounty hunter disguise (1983)

Lando Carissian in guard disguise  (1983)

From left to right:

Speedo bikes

Imperial transporter

Some rebel fighter (dunno what it's called)

All my Star Wars toys are in great condition.

If what I heard is true, I'm probably sitting on S$2,000.

I'll sell the action figures and use the money to blanjah my parents to a good holiday.

A simple way to thank them for indulging and spoiling me.

Now it's my turn to spoil them with this unexpected windfall  :-)

Click here for Meepok Mate (1): Einstein

Next up: He's the people's choice for having a heart of gold.  If you need money, you can borrow ea$ily from this guy.   The best thing is, don't return never mind !!  So when you see a long queue of people outside a house in Changi waiting to borrow money, it's Meepok Mate (2) Matlock's  place.

Stuff he's born with (aka Bo-pian stuff)

(Nick)Name: Matlock

Age: 33 begrudgingly going on 34.

Height: 1.73m (this guy is lanky.  Almost all legs.  Can be model)

Weight: 64 kg

Hunk factor (/10):  7.5, Super flyweight category.  Lean, mean, lovin' machine.

Looks: Your mother see already show like one.  Earnest and sincere looking (but remember looks can be deceiving).  Some say he looks like Jay Chou (with specs). See below.

Stuff to impress your parents

Education: UK (LLB), not LuLaBy.  Now working on masters in Law.

Occupation: Liar.  Sometimes he calls himself a lawyer.

Ability to eat your mum's cooking (/10): 1. Matlock is a foodie.  He will not settle for second best.  He will choose not to lie and ask your mum if these are leftovers for your dog if he finds the food yucky.  However, out of respect, he will still eat the stuff.  Hence he gets 1 point.

Ability to suck up to your dad (/10): 10.  Your dad will love him.  Matlock can talk about anything under the sun.  An added bonus is he is actually able to assure your dad that you're safe with him when you go out (note: does not apply for nights with full moon).

Others: He can do the Hugh Grant puppy look to your mum.  This normally helps her forget his critique of her cooking.  Also an inspiring law lecturer …. (must be because got chio bus there for him to chope first, before they hit the open market).

Stuff to impress you

1.  Matlock is a highly rated blogger.  People from all walks of life read his postings. And surprisingly, they dig the stuff.

2.  Can use his FORCE to make things drop and that includes clothes (you've been warned).  From this, infer Matlock is a Star Wars fan, you must.

3.  Tutors underprivileged kids.  He has a heart of gold.  Extremely patient with people until they call him "San Por" (skinny).  That's when the Hokkien expletives start.

4.  Can give free legal advice.  The last few people he represented all ended up on the death row.  However, they all got their last wishes of Meepoktah with Crispy KFC.

5.  Will become your Ahmad anytime.  He'll standby his "Love Mobile" to pick you up even at 3 am.

6.  A true blue gentlemen.  Knows how to treat a lady.  Can play piano and serenade you from any void deck.  Some say, on his good days, he sings better than William Hung.

7.  Completed 21km in 2004 Stanchart Marathon in record time for his age category.  The 70 year old ah mahs he beat at the finish line were most impressed.

Vital $tati$tic$

Income: Definitely 6 figure.

Net worth: Moderately high.  He tithes and gives $$ to needy.

Willingness to spend $ to wow a gal (/10): 2, Going dutch is preferable.  Money better spent on storing treasures in Heaven.

Willingness to spend $ on friends (/10): 10, Matlock is very generous with friends.  Maybe he feels it's better to blanjah them here on Earth cos he'll be in Heaven and his pig-pal-dog-friends (like me for writing this blog) will be burning in Hell J

Car: Love Mobile.  Don't tell you the make.  It's a real lady killer.  Black colour one.

Living in: Big bungalow in Changi.  Following the "Free money" sign along Upper East Coast road as they will lead you to his place.

Stuff that are nurtured

Good habits: Can't think of any. Does willing to blanjah me count?

Bad habits: Can't think of any either.

What I like most about him: He has a servant heart.  Believes in making a difference to those in need.

What I like least about him:  This fella defected to a rival JC to swim for them after Sec 4.  As a result, my beloved JC lost the A division swimming title for the first time in 12 years !!

His pickup lines

"Excuse me, you look familiar.  Do you attend XXX church?"

"Your father must be a robber.  He stole the most beautiful stars in the sky and created you…"

"Oi, Ah Moi, ai4 kee4 lisco teow4 bu4 mai3? I spend you lah."

Why still no GF?

Too many to choose from.  Confusing lah.

Looking for

A chio Christian gal who can tahan his singing and piano playing.  Also must have heart of gold.

(Continued from yesterday)

In George's 2 years as PE monitor he had:

1) His underwear stolen during swimming lessons … don't ask me what he wore underneath his shorts after the swimming lessons.

2) His bag thrown out of the class window (my classroom is on the 3^rd floor, above the discipline master's office)

3) His bag thrown into the ladies toilet.

One afternoon, during our Chinese lesson, George had to go to the toilet.

In his absence, we passed his table, chair and bag out of the class without the teacher's knowledge and threw them in the female toilet behind our classroom.

George came back and found all his stuff vanished.

He was rooted to the spot where his table and chair was supposed to be.

Our teacher (the most observant one in the world) did not question him until 10 minutes later: "George, why are you standing up?  Sit down!"

George, fighting back his tears, said: " Lao Shi (teacher), I've lost my table, chair and bag.  How ?????"

The entire class erupted with rapturous laughter.

Let's hear it for Dr George who is now saving lives in hospitals.

I'm proud of him.

However, if you're ever in a hospital (touch wood) and your doctor in attendance is called George, check if he swings his arms while walking.

If not, you can request to change doctor.

By the way, George holds the record for the only ACS boy who can't swim.

Disclaimer

Eh, George, what is written here is retrospective.

It doesn't mean you're as cock now …. I hope.

Jaywalk wrote :