WARNING: This entry is laced with expletives to reflect the true feel of reservist conversations.  Minors should not read it, much less try it at home.

 

Note: Those of you who do not know what the abbreviations mean, drop me a separate note to clarify.

 

 

 

We were randomly assigned into groups of 6 for our marksmanship (shooting) test for day and night shoots from 100m.

There were 2 types of targets: man sized (big) and 1/3 man size (small)

There were no individual scores.

The total score for the group determines whether it passed or failed.

My group has good shooters, mediocre shooter and bobo-shooters (those who can shoot an overweight elephant from 5m).

We marginally passed our day shoot 70%.

3 of us shot > 90% and 3 were absolutely bobos.

We gathered after the shoot before our results were announced.

 

Meepok: "i think i got 14 out of 15. na beh. missed a perfect score."

 

Chee (the storeman who was a bobo): "na beh. si peh lucky. i managed to get one shot out of 15."

 

Bobo2 (lawyer, in Queen's English accent): "Good Lord and Na beh. i fired all 15 rounds. but i shot the target in the wrong lane."

 

Our strategy became clear.

The bobos were to take the lanes with the easiest targets for the night shoot."

 

When it was time for the night shoot, we were pretty confident that our new bobo-proof lineup would work.

The range was pitch dark, save the targets which were barely illuminated..

I took aim and realised we were in deep shit.

I couldn't see the target.

Took five shots and landed one.

 

Meepok: "Section! NBCB! I can't see the LC moving target! "

 

Chee, the storeman: "ah? the target come out already meh?"

 

Meepok: "Fxxx you lah! 5 came out already lah. 3 big ones and 2 small ones."

 

All 6 of us each had 10 more bullets (with 60 targets left) and we needed to hit another 20 targets to pass. 

The rate we were going, we'd be lucky to get 5.

 

Bobo2 (a lawyer, in a queen's english accent): "Meepok! By jove !! i really can't see the KNN LC small target much less Fxxking shoot it."

 

Meepok: "Ok, Men! most of you can see the nah beh big target right?"

 

Men: "agak agak can lah..."

 

Meepok: " agak can liao. Fxxk the small target. use all your CB bullets on big targets only. make sure u hit all the big ones.  BoBos, when pple fire, you also point forward and fire. maybe with some luck, you'll fxxking hit something."

 

Bobo3 (a taxi driver): "Meepok, the conducting officer never asked us to shoot only big targets leh."

 

Meepok: "na beh CB, the conducting officer also never ask you to miss all your shots so far! If you want to pass and go back camp early to sleep, you better do as I say! Nah beh!!!"

 

Bobo3: "Yes, Meepok!"

 

Meepok: "any more questions?"

 

Bobo2: "Why SAF women so ugly ah?"

 

I threw my weapon at him and the rest of the men kicked him in the balls.

 

Meepok: "anymore questions?"

 

Men: "no, meepok!"

 

Bobo2 (in high pitched voice, holding his crotch): "no..... nooohhh"

 

Meepok: "Ok! let's roll and get at least 30 motherfxxking target so we can pass and go back fast. Good luck guys."

 

We stuck to our new strategy and managed to hit 35 out of 60 targets.

 

Apparently, the bobos managed to get 5 of the small targets without aiming.

Our lucky stars were indeed shining.

 

We passed.

 

This again proves that SAF reservists are thinking soldiers.

We adapt and react quickly to adverse situations.

 

It is also worthwhile to note that , we communicated effectively, concisely, sometimes violently, albeit cress and vulgar at times (an understatement).

 

Enemies, you should be afraid. Very afraid.....

 

I'm always amazed by the mismatch of army and civilian roles and responsibilities.

 

One of my men is called Jimmy.

Jimmy is a grossly overweight (135kg) 40 year old who drives to camp in a mercedes 500.

He owns his own company and runs a pretty profitable biz.

His last declared income to the tax authorities (IRAS) was $600k.

Jimmy's role in my military unit?

Mini truck driver.

 

I'm surprised he gets called up.

The army must compensate his loss of income during the in camp.

1 Jimmy = 20 ah beng reservist drivers.

 

I question the logic behind this decision.

However, i don't mind having Jimmy as my unit driver.

He is humble, funny and affable, despite being a multi, multi millionaire.

When the going gets tough in the field/jungle, one phone call from Jimmy to his kar kia (staff) will ensure that a kfc laden jaguar or bmw is sent to our deployment location to 'reinforce our stomach's defense'.

 

Here are some of the other mismatches in my unit (red = army role)

 

Investment banker - signaler

Graphic / fashion designer - rifleman

SGX trader - driver

Lawyer - demolition man

Chef – unit clerk

Insurance manager - sentry (half awake one, I must admit)

 

Recently, I was allocated a new storeman, Chee

No, we don't run NTUC supermarket during our reservist.

Chee's the guy who keeps track of our training equipment and ensures their security.

 

Meepok: "Chee, good job on the combat exercise. You did a great job supporting the men with the equipment. Couldn't have done it without you."

 

Chee: "Eh, tankew you (ie. xiexie ni) don't like that say. i just doing my job. Brudder brudder, must help each other."

 

Meepok: "Steady lah. you si peh on! Hey, By the way, what you do outside ah?."

 

Chee: "Wah lau Meepok! Storeman lah! What else?"

 

Ah, sometimes SAF does get it right after all.

 

 

Was called up for reservist training last week.

1 week of weapons training.

Yep, training to use butter knife, long sabres and long spears.

This is what we do during our training ……

 

 

Nah, i'm trained in conventional weapons.

The ever reliable, battle-tested M16

 

 

Just in case you think I belong to some Rambo unit, crawling in mud, stalking enemies and breaking their necks with our bare hands …. (see below)

 

 

 

You are wrong !!

I belong to a 200-man MASH (mobile army support hospital).

We are a medical unit that saves lives of injured soldiers.

You remember the American sitcom in the 70's.

Ya lah, like that lah.

 

 

 

What's my role in army?

I'm the MASH deputy company sergeant major (CSM).

What's that?

Well, I assist the CSM who bao-kar-liao.

Hence I have to deal with officers to the medics to the drivers.

Si peh siong……

 

I look forward to my reservist stint.

Reasons are simple.

1.  It's a good break from work (army no need to use brain one)

2. I get to meet some old talk cock friends.

 

How i wish i could share with you what happens during trainings.

But for fear of being labeled a threat to national security, I'll have to talk about non-sensitive things.

 

Well, here goes.

The start of my "reservist" army daze series

 

My army friends come from a diverse cross section of society.

From businessmen, lawyers to imams to mechanics to ah longs.

Once we don our army uniform, an amazing transformation takes place.

We lose our statuses in our highly stratified society, become tardy, extremely foul mouthed and are able doze off at every opportunity.

 

Meepok: "Ah Peng! Ah Peng!  Where are FXXX are you? I need you to help the guys at the medical station ….."

 

I looked around and saw in the distant a lifeless form lying on the ground !!!

 

Meepok, rushing forward: "Ah Peng! What happened? Are you ok? Die already or not?"

 

As I approached, I heard zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz………. Snoring !

Ah Peng was fast asleep on the hard ground.

The army uniform has magical powers.

They make the concrete floors feel like Dunlop mattresses.

 

Check out Ah Peng's exposed girth (below).

He belly is threatening to rip apart his uniform.

Ah Peng was 30kgs lighter during our last in-camp training 2 years ago.    

Introducing Ah Peng of the SAF ….Sleep And Fatten.

 

(I have to block out his facial features and name tag. Sekali SAF send him to military jail !)

 

Anyway, I managed to wake Ah Peng up.

We carried him and ramped him against the nearest coconut tree, legs wide open.

Nah … just kidding ... that would be too cruel.

I asked an Ah Kua in my platoon to kiss him.

 

More to follow ….

Chengdu is the capital city of Sichuan province, western China (I think).

Most of us are familiar with (or should have at least heard of) Sichuan's spicy foods.

Eg. Sichuan vegetable, Ma2 La4 steamboat.

 

I was in Chengdu, Sichuan for a conference.

Met my Chinese friend Catherine, who hails from Zhejiang in Eastern China.

It was Cat's first trip to Chengdu and she went on a city tour.

I didn't join her as I was stuck in meetings.

 

Anyway, Cat bought a Sichuan specialty dish for me from one of their renowned restaurants.

7 stewed rabbit heads: 5 plain and 2 got hiam.

 

She delivered the heads to my room and unpacked them for me.

She looked expectantly as I took my seat on my room sofa in front of the 7 heads, staring blankly at them.

I started to break into cold sweat.

I was about to eat what used to be harmless, cute and fluffy...

 

Cat: " Meepok, do you dare to eat this?  I had 20 of them this afternoon. They are very, very nice !!"

 

Meepok (diplomatically): "Of course !! Wah ….. they look really nice but I had a really heavy dinner.  Maybe I'll have them later."

 

Cat: "Oh come on! Have a few! They won't fill your tummy and I guarantee that they're good."

 

Meepok (gulping): "Ok lah …."

 

I picked up the rabbit's head, with plastic gloves provided.

You can actually see the full form of the head, teeth, nose and all.

 

I mustered all my courage to sink my teeth into the head.

To be honest, it didn't taste that bad.

To make my friend happy, I actually whacked 3.

 

Cat: "Hey, I notice you didn't suck the eye and brain …."

I almost puked.

Eyes and brain?

Welcome to FEAR FACTOR (SICHUAN).

 

Meepok: "Err … I'm saving them for later.  I'll order beer to have them with.  Will do that after I shower."

 

Cat got the hint that I wanted to shower and left shortly after.

She was obviously pleased that her Singaporean (BRAVE) friend appreciated a rare Sichuan delicacy.

 

Well, this is what happened to the rabbit heads after Cat left the room.

 

 

I felt kinda bad throwing food away but I couldn't bring myself to suck more heads of Bugs Bunny's friends.

After my shower, I settled for something more conventional, Sichuan style.

A big bowl of oily and spicy Dan Dan Mian.

 

 

Wabbit Heads anyone?

 

 

 

Being adventurous (some say foolhardy), when on biz travel, I'll makan anything that my friends, clients, suppliers feed me.

In China, I've eaten standard stuff like char siew, roast duck to more exotic grub like scorpion soup, cow brain and penises of animals.

My modus operandi: If my friends in China find the food a delicacy, it's safe enough for me to eat.

This philosophy also explains why I get food poisoning at least 6 times a year.

To be fair, I kena food poisoning when I'm in S'pore (eg. Latest being eating bakuteh @ YWCA) and when I'm in India..

 

I was in Guangdong recently.

Cantonese are well known for their culinary excellence.

They are extremely picky about food.

Hence most restaurants in Guangdong are world-class and they are also HUGE.

 

I went to one recently.

It had 6 floors

Each floor was at least 30,000 sq ft (25 HDB, 4-room flats)

 

 

This was the place in the restaurant where you'd pick what you want to eat.

It's the size of the cold foods section of GIANT or Careffour (is this how you spell it?).

 

You pick your seafood from the aerated glass tubs (in pic above)

Alternatively, you pick them from an aquarium.

No kidding!!

See for yourself … it's only one section.

 

There were so many types of fish.

Some were disgusting looking.

I assumed all were edible.

 

There was also a roast meat and stewed meat section.

It's a whole row of cooked food maciam food court like that.

Didn't take a pic. 

Too many disgusting animals are being stewed and hung to dry.

 

Then there was a "small dishes" (xiao3 cai4) section.

There were easily 200 of them displayed.

Didn't know where to start, so I anyhow pointed at 5 of them.

 

 

 

My Guangdong friend, Wen, picked a fish (it's a groupa that looked like an iguana) that was steamed and abalone soup.

I ordered fish maw cooked with white cabbage too.

(I had to choose one from 30 ways of cooking the dish .... sigh... troublesome for an ignoramus like me)

 

It was a hearty meal for 2.

Cost us S$400.

Extremely expensive even by Singapore standards but it was damn good.

 

Stay tuned for my gastronomic adventure in Chengdu, Sichuan.

 

p/s Checked and found out that Cantonese don't eat hum.

  

2,973

Does this number ring a bell?
It's the death toll at World Trade Centre (twin towers) on 11th Sept 2001.

 

Was watching documentaries on TV yesterday commemorating the 5^th anniversary.

Memories of the "out of box thinking" act of terror flooded back.

 

6,5XX,XXX,XXX

 

Pick a number to fill in the rest of the X's.

These are the number of people whose lives changed since 11^th Sept 2001.

Sometimes we forget how that single act of terror changed government policies (whether domestic or foreign) that affected all of us, both in big and small ways.

 

Sometimes we wonder if the act would have happened if the American's didn't have a long history of "injecting military presence" into Islamic worn-torn countries "to help ensure democracy".

 

Well, my friends, we have witnessed an event that changed the course of history.  Hope there won't be many more in our lifetimes.

Ever wonder how gambling affects a family?

Do you know why I'm so against the Gahmen approving casinos in S'pore?

 

Below is a situation I've come across.

You decide for yourself whether my fears for having casinos in S'pore are unfounded.

 

Sally, 23, was my admin assistant in my previous company.

She's Malaysian and earns an honest living in Singapore.

The Sally I knew was a cheerful, helpful and loving gal.

However, things have changed.

 

3 years ago, she married John, also a Malaysian, a technician who worked in Tuas.

They bore a son (not shotgun marriage) and were living a reasonably comfortable life.

Both being O level (equivalent) holders, their monthly household income was in the range of $2,500 (including overtime).

 

John was a simple and earnest guy who loves Sally and their child.

That was until he was introduced to the world of soccer betting in early 2006.

Initially, he was a runner for a bookie in S'pore.

Due to lunar madness (or otherwise), he decide to take bets himself.

The returns were good initially.

However, one bad game result landed him in $30,000 of debt in S'pore.

Sally and John exhausted their life savings and were only able to clear $20,000.

As a last resort, Sally approached me and a few of my ex-colleagues in April 2006 to borrow money (about $7,000) to clear the debt.

She promised to return us the $$ in monthly installments.

I was to get my $$ back from Oct 06.

As for John, because of the debt problems, he chose to return to KL to work.

A few months passed and I didn't hear from Sally.

 

I was out with friends last night, my phone rang.

 

Me: "Hello ….(tiang kar pager?)"

Sally: "Meepok !! … I'm Sally !!! ……."

Me: "Sally, what's wrong?...."

Sally sobbed uncontrollably and said: "I don't know what to do !! My hubby still owes pple money!!"

Me: "Stop crying ok?  I thought we helped to clear his debt in April?  What happened?"

Sally: "He still owes pple in Msia money.  His sister has paid the bulk of it and now they are chasing me for 3,000 ringitt.  What am I to do? We don't have the money. They are now knocking on my door !!"

 

I was pissed.

John was an irresponsible hubby who brought misery to his wife because of his gambling habit.

I told Sally that I'd lend the money (S$1,500) on one condition: I needed to speak to her hubby.

She was initially hesitant as she said her hubby is a proud man, blah blah ….

I told her: "Ask him if he wants the money to save your family or not.  If the answer is yes, ask him to call me."

 

John called within the next 30 minutes.

My conversation with him was cordial.

I told him that I'm lending my hard earned money to his wife and child, and not him.

His foolish acts had caused his family a lot of distress.

John assured me that the $1,500 is the last of his debts and he had learnt his lesson, never to gamble again.

I wired the money shortly after.

 

Our Gahmen is planning to open 2 casinos in S'pore.

To address the public's concern about gambling addiction, they are setting up counseling centres for those stuck in the gambling rut.

Hey, Gahmen!  Why you create a problem then set up something to solve it?

Isn't this, what we Hokkiens call, LPPL?

Honestly, the time spent on issues pertaining to casino related industry is better spent enhancing policies in healthcare, transport and education.

I can go on for days re this casino issue and why I'm dead against it

 

Oh, by the way, I don't think I'll ever get back my S$3,000 from Sally and her hubby …..

Why? The answer is simple.

Once you start on the slippery road of gambling, there's no turning back.

 

How many John's and Sally's are there going to be once the casinos are up?

First there was legalized football betting.

Now, there will be 2 casinos.

What next? Legalised doping joints (not Subutex) ?

 

Gahmen ….. are you really listening to your people ?

Sometimes your policies leave a foul taste in your people's mouths.

Yes, like having "hum" in meesiam (a superfluous and often detrimental "enhancement to the current state of affairs")

 

Hence, like our PM, I prefer to have my meesiam mai hum.