I'm going to share with you the secrets of my new trade.
Make sure you don't forward this to the ah neh.

1) Look for a free source of water.  If the tap in your condo doesn't have a head, get one at the provision shop for $3 (cheap cheap good good).
2) Add 3 caps of car wash shampoo and mix well with water
3) Make sure suds form (as shown).  If suds don't form, don't be cheapo, buy a better shampoo.



4) Apply suds evenly on car.  Start from the roof of the car.  Water flows downwards remember?  If you do not know the concept of gravity, go to google and check keywords "Newton" and "Durian"


5) Don't be slack. Clean the rims also.  Must make kilat kilat for chio bus to admire.



6) Clean sponge and use 3 pails of clean water to wash off suds.  Start from roof of car again. Finish off at the car boot (as shown)



7) Using a piece of super high tech microfibre cloth**, dry the car.  Make sure you wash the cloth to get rid of dirt when it gets wet and wring it damn dry before using again.  Repeat until car is bone dry. (** you can use your SAF singlet too).


8) Must clean the inside of the car too  Give it a complete wipedown with another piece of microfibre cloth. Start from dashboard, then the panels, then the doors.  Wipe the leather seats last.  Try not to press the horn while cleaning the steering wheel.  Else the ah sohs in your estate may complain.



9) Last but not least, try to tidy the boot (if you can).

10) Pray that a bird doesn't shit on the car the moment you drive it out of the carpark.

How much are you prepared to pay for my car washing service?

Wah lau .... like that also can win ... sigh

Wake up and smell the roses lah.....

=========================================================

        Pic from Chinamates.com

You're 60 years old, holding on to a part time job after withdrawing your CPF.

Old, wrinkled, probably hunched and living alone in a 3 room HDB flat.

No one will take a second look at you when they pass you.

Then one day, a si peh chio 30 year old Zhong Guo lady (ZGCB), expresses interest in you.

You are elated.  There is justice after all ........

Next thing you know, ZGCB vacuums your $$ and disappears.

 

How many times have we read these stories, esp in New Paper?

Why do people fall prey to these seemingly obvious scams?

 

Some may say the Ah Pek may be lowly educated and susceptible to kena conned.

Pls lah (I hate to admit this) but men are hormonal creatures regardless of age.

The key is whether one is strong and smart enough to resist the temptation.

True Files 

I'll relate a true story of a man I met in Shanghai.

(names have been changed to protect to stoopid one).

 

Tim was a lecturer in a tertiary institute (a short, fat, ugly guy)

In 1990, he (40 years old then) saw an opportunity to start up a trading biz in China.

He sold his 6^th ave house to liquefy his assets and move his wife and kids to a HDB flat.

Armed with do$h, he left for Shanghai alone.

His biz was relatively successful and, of course, he courted the attention of the ladies there.

Jane, a ZGCB, became his confidant and later his mistress.

Because of some local laws, Tim had to set up a restaurant biz venture under Jane's name.

They did a roaring biz, the tills were ringing not stop.

In 2000, Tim returned to S'pore for 2 weeks to settle some Gahmen admin stuff.

When he returned to Shanghai, all his biz had been taken over by Jane.

She booted him out of the biz, bank accounts and all.

Tim kena played out and was left almost penniless.  Good thing he still had an apartment to his name.

For fear of losing face, he decided not return to S'pore.

He's now earning his keep as a pub manager in Shanghai.

Tim is a highly educated man …. Yet he was led by his loins.

 

Lessons learnt

1.  If a chio bu half your age hits on you, she's certainly not going for good looks (get real).

2.  ZGCB are dangerous, they really know how to stroke your ego, amongst other things

3.  Men are weak creatures.

 

At my previous job, I was offered to head up an operation in Shanghai on a one year posting (extendable to 2 years).

During which time, I had to be alone (ie. My wife will be in S'pore)

I turned down the offer as I refuse to knowingly subject myself to temptation.

While my friends will tell you that I'm able to resist the temptation, I'd rather not risk my marriage and happiness.

As the saying goes, water drop by drop will also break the boulder.

Look what happened to the Grand Canyon.

Point taken ?

 

 

I have a friend, let's call her PohPiah (PP)

PP is a graduate.

She also has a lot of extra curricula paper qualifications macam diploma for psychology, cert for ah beng staring, Japanese language, vulgar language (not!).

In school, PP never kena booked by prefect before.

In fact, she helped prefects book others (via secret notes under the desk).

Perfect product of the gahmen's education policy …. Which qualifies her for NMP nomination …. I'll come to that later.

 

PP works for a gahmen stat board …… are you surprised ???

Unlike other gahmen workers, she actually keeps long, productive hours.

(Those who stay till 9 pm because they go for 3 hour lunches and 2 hour coffee breaks don't count)

PP believes in giving her best @ work.

In her free time, other than studying and indulging in mental gymnastics (yes, she thinks things to death), she commits her time to social work.

She teaches prison inmates O level maths, swims with dolphins (no lah … kidding) etc.

In short, PP has a heart of gold.

 

Recently she informed me that she is leaving gahmen service (where she's doing very well) to go to NIE to train to be a teacher.

Wah lau …… what a big change in career …. Not to mention the huge paycut !!!

PP believes this is her own way of giving back to society.

 

Well, Poh Piah my friend, I salute you for taking a bold step to make a difference to young lives.

Don't worry about paycut.

I'm sure you will be well rewarded in heaven, where your treasures are stored.

I am proud to have a flen … I mean friend …. like you.

 

This brings me to the point again : why Eunice Olsen as NMP?

Pui ! Pui! Pui!

Poster @ Prince Cinema

Just came back from Ep 3.

Woah !! It was good !!

After the movie, my kakis and I went for supper.

In order not to spoil it for those who haven't watched, I will not reveal what we discussed until several weeks later.

However, we all agreed that C3PO is gay.

He walks like a sissy and talks like one too.

To make matters worse, he bares his mid riff.

Check out his wires and circuitry @ his mid riff below

Mee Pok The Old Rocker

I've been feeling under the weather for the past 2 weeks.

Started with a sore throat (tonsillitis)

Then become no voice (laryngitis)

Then kena chest infection (bronchitis)

Lucky never kena pookititis. (those who don't know Malay, nevermind)

 

When I fall sick nowadays, it feels like the end of the world.

When I was 18, high fever also can chiong at Fire Lisco or Sparks Lisco.

Don't sleep 3 days also no sweat.

Now don't hit the sack by 2 am, underwear wet wet.

 

In days of yore, my body was a temple.

Ok, ok, not the 5 star type like the Taj Mahal.

More like those small, smoke filled ones in China town.

But still, it was a temple.

I had 6 pack, defined biceps and ran like the wind.

Now I have one pack (XL size), flabby arms and I like to break wind.

 

I hate to admit this, I'm getting old.

 

Enjoy your long weekend while I mope in one corner (beside a mama-shop).

I'll be back next Tues to pay a special tribute to a friend.  Stay tuned.

 

 

 

Dr Wee Kim Wee (WKW) passed away 2 weeks ago.

There was an outpour of grief from Singaporeans from all walks of life.

People are still talking about him…. The People's President.

Letters to ST Forum have asked for airports, roads, buildings to be named after him.

 

If my memory serves me well, I don't recall the same happening when Ong Teng Cheong (OTC) passed away.

Don't think gahmen buildings flew their flags at half mast for more than 1 day nor was there a state funeral.

OTC's track record of serving the nation was more illustrious than WKW.

MP, Minister, Secretary General of NTUC, DPM …..

Why ah?

 

Maybe, just maybe, the measure of a person's greatness lies in how he treats people around him and how they remember him.

Endless examples have been cited on how WKW reached out to the man in the street, touched lives of the less fortunate, buying paus for parents queuing up to register their children for kindergarten @ Siglap etc.

People probably remembered WKW for the man he was and not his status nor achievements.

Maybe, just maybe, the bigger the pau, the better the accolades.

 

Anyway, I'm going to find out where to buy nice big pork paus to give away.

May come in handy if I want to have a road named after me.

Jalan Mee Pok or Mee Pok Drive.

Not bad eh ?

Realistically, I'd be lucky to have a toilet cubicle named after me.

Quite sad right?  …. but what the heck…… No fish, prawn also good.

Actually, no siew mai, pau also good.